The Revolutionary Politics of Dance.

dance_politics @ 2009-12-06T15:19:00

2009-12-06T20:19:17Z

The scene was unreal and flat and pointless, as though i had forced myself into someone else's dream, the drunk wandering out on to the stage.

dance_politics @ 2009-11-11T19:13:00

2009-11-12T00:17:49Z

all of your fears are well founded and true.
all my hands are calloused and cruel.
all of my arrows that riddle you through
are bullets that fire me back into you.

all of the rivers are boiling with thirst.
all my hands are covered in earth.
all of my children that gnash with their teeth
are paperback novels and dogs scratching fleas.

dance_politics @ 2009-10-22T18:46:00

2009-10-22T22:46:38Z

the one who seeks through science.
the one who searches for religion.
the one who finds it through philosophy.
the one who finds it through mysticism.
Whatever manner we seek the truth,
we find it in the end.

I LOVE YOU JESUS CHRIST!

2009-10-18T06:48:55Z

all these old feeling come back so sweet and comforting.
all these new feelings so cold and painful.

dance_politics @ 2009-10-01T18:38:00

2009-10-01T22:38:41Z

alone again.

dance_politics @ 2009-09-28T14:22:00

2009-09-28T18:26:12Z

left to choose between starving for my art,
or starving for incompetence.

dance_politics @ 2009-09-27T16:04:00

2009-09-27T20:05:48Z

i don't want a wall of silence like before.
i can't let that happen between you and I.

dance_politics @ 2009-07-22T00:20:00

2009-07-22T04:21:24Z

totally broke.
shitty job.
but completely happy.
love.

the Tempest.

2009-06-04T06:50:28Z

"what seest thou else
in the dark backwards and abysm of time?"

Wm. Shakespeare

dance_politics @ 2009-05-20T02:33:00

2009-05-20T06:40:59Z

i don't want to talk about whats up. or about bands we know. or have heard. or have not heard. or should hear. or parties. or where you will be. or for what reason. or anything like that. i want to talk about the things i never said anything about when i had the chance. like ideas of the universe. and why things are they way they are. and how things have changed you and how you are a better/worse/the same person now. i want to talk about matter and energy and what happens after you die. about ideas on the world and how things are different through your eyes. about the things that never happened and why things happened the way they did. i have a lot of questions to ask. I've had they on my mind for so long. though i don't think we will ever be in the same room alone together again. i don't think it will ever happen. i guess I've had the chance. sort of. you don't want to hear it. but i can't shut up.>/lj-cut>

dance_politics @ 2009-05-17T03:09:00

2009-05-17T07:23:50Z

godfuckingdamnit

four years back

2009-04-27T20:03:02Z

usually when i think back it's sad. but i had a dream last night that brought back a lot of great memories. i can't believe it's been four years since i was 18. when i think back to then i have vivid pictures, sounds, tastes. Old E at Neptunes. Orange Groves. Camel Royals/Golds/Silvers. making out in cars. never wearing shoes. being called a hippie almost everyday and hating it. new friends. lots of new friends. small road trips that seemed so big at the time. not caring what anyone said, but caring a lot for others and worrying way to much. mohawks. driving. a lot of driving. being exposed to a lot of drugs all at once. starting smoking weed. getting jealous and angry and fighting. making up. making old friendships stronger. being awkward. being stupid. being open for the first time. etc.etc.etc.

im glad i have memories like these. bits and pieces. my life really did start at 18. everything else is just way too fuzzy. years go by a lot faster. making good memories is important. new things are important. i dont know where ill be in the future or what ill think then but im sure in four years when i look back ill still remember those memories and hopefully have a lot more great ones to add.

dream

2009-04-16T05:42:36Z

i had a dream i was an Astronaut.
we were strapped in ready to launch and i felt nauseous.
we lifted off and shot into the air with hundreds of people watching and cheering and suddenly the cabin filled with flames and the shuttle exploded. and i felt the intense shock and sadness and depression and frustration and anger at what had happen. but i was dead.

what does this mean!?

dance_politics @ 2009-03-18T02:11:00

2009-03-18T06:16:46Z

i am long gone.

"piecemaker"

2009-03-11T05:06:53Z

Murdering bastards, you fucking killed her.
When you burned her could you feel her eyes staring back at you?
"Kill him! Kill him! just fucking do it!
when he's dead this will be all over with,
And we can get on with things.
take this, use it. They deserve it."
but in their deaths realize that she wont be comingback to you.

Murdering bastards, you fucking killed her.
when you burned her could you feel her eyes staring back at you?
"I killed him, I killed him. just fucking did it."
but in a way I feel empty inside and can't get on with things.
I took it, and used it. They deserved it.
as I sit here wracked with disbelief
that she never came back to me.

!!!!?

2009-02-15T04:28:15Z

Might be moving to Olympia/Seattle, Washington by Sept. with the dudes!?
don't know if i can get my hopes too high yet.
this could happen!?.... please!

oh god.

2008-12-25T00:36:13Z

see, i don't know why i don't fall in love.
but i keep fucking myself and i ruin everything thats good.
i cant make it work. i cant make it stop.
these things i take soo casual meen soo much more somehow.
kill me. make this stop. i only want what i cant have.

dance_politics @ 2008-11-11T02:50:00

2008-11-11T07:58:43Z

i dont know if i've given up or im just waiting anymore.
i dont think i'll ever get closure.
this will haunt me the rest of my life.
why cant i move on. nothing helps.

well,i've put out this 'solo' project record ep thing.
most of the songs i wrote about a lil less than a year ago, just now getting them out.
i think its pretty funny. check it out.
Blood and Cloth.

dance_politics @ 2008-09-22T00:27:00

2008-09-22T04:36:42Z

this promise you made is hollow is cold
I am the liar, civilian boy.
leaving a trail of soft ridicule
I am the liar, civilian boy.

i sleep with women i don't deserve
wretched. unstable. vulnerable.
figments i become are unrelenting
void in compassion, premonitory:
my satisfaction is a selfish reward,
loving another is more difficult.
stealing and cheating and being a mess.
a child in nature. so trapped.

in one month and one day i will be 21.
it scares me. i dont think i can handle myself.
this has been the worst year of my life.
this is the last month of it.

trip report.

2008-07-07T22:30:30Z

9:05 i put the item on my tongue and tasted the coppery metallic taste that seemed to melt and fill my mouth.

10:00 my friends all have arrived and i'm feeling nothing if a little anxious and/or nauseous.

10:30 i feel high.

11:00 after listening to both JOY DIVISION and PINK FLOYD i put on BARONESS and i am starting to feel more and more anxious. my stomach is in knots. i have to shit or piss or puke or all of the above, but can do none. i cant help but keep smiling.

11:30 i leave my room for the first time, i notice the rug at the front door is begging to swirl from the middle out. further inspection of the rug reveals faces that i have never noticed before in the patterns! a lion. a tiger. birds. and a gremlin or demon.

12:00 i lay down in the living room and decide to try closing my eyes. i put my arm over my face and focus on the black. patterns begin to form, like long spiraling pillars going from the bottom of my vision to the top. they look like a persian rug.

12:30 my attention span is short. any attempts to talk to people ends shortly. peoples sentences are just words put together. walls are covered with patterns if i stare at them. the ceiling is covered in dancing shadows that look like tadpoles.

1:00 trippin' balls.

1:10 i go into my room alone and listen to PINK FLOYD again. it was made for a reason. after the first side i go into the bathroom. bathrooms always seem to be the most significant place while tripping. the whole room is breathing. a painting on the wall of leaves is changing and moving like it were blowing in the wind. i can control it.

1:35 we sit in the dark in my room with only candles as solomon smokes some salvia. he has his first good trip which makes me feel good. salvia has so many possibilities. some people leave. only lex, solomon, leila and james are left with me.

1:45 we decide to go ride bikes. i feel very worried and scared. the stress on my body is intense. i cant keep a constant temperature and faces are scary but i shrug it off and we head out.

1:50 BIKE RIDES ARE AWESOME! i am a floating ball of energy not a person! i have 360 degree vision and my hearing is amazing. i am connected with everyone around me riding. we know exactly what the other is doing.

2:00 while james and solomon are getting Taco Bell for themselves i start to think about how i am energy and myself traveling through space, time travel, the reason i am here and how fucking awesome riding your bike is.

2:10 we get back and hangout listening to the Pixies. it is almost too intense. so we go out by the pool which is illuminated by the pool light letting you see into the water perfectly. Water seems to have a strange effect on me. my first experiment with Psylocybin gave me a similar realization. there is something important about it. i still cannot place what it is.

2:30 we have been staring into the pool for literally 20 minutes talking about childhood and after i get up i feel like i am back in my old body. i am 10 again in my backyard. but soon my limbs begin to stretch again and i am normal.

2:45 solomon and i sit out in my front yard and stare up at the stars. it is beautiful. more and more points of light show themselves to me and begin shooting and connecting with each other. forming a giant spider web/dome that falls down all around us. amazing.

3:00 everyone is tired. i am wide awake. i see a Mantis man out on my back porch. he is about 7 foot tall with most of his height in his legs. he wears a yellow robe which looks like it is right out of a crappy sci-fi movie. i realize this isnt real immediately. but it is soo real i am just amazed. it is gone in a few minutes.

3:30 solomon and leila go to bed. james and i go into my room and listen to more music while he smokes and i sit and play with my mind. trails. patterns. i draw a very scary picture. and write some very weird poems.

4:00 james and i talk about being human. i still dont know what i need.

4:15 james falls asleep. i am stuck alone now. i pretend to sleep but cannot get comfortable. as i close my eyes all i see are patterns. but soon i am able to focus on faces. i see all my friends. past and present. also i see a lot of profiles of women.

4:30 i stare at myself in the bathroom mirror. i see through my face into my mind. my face morphs and shifts and is insane.

5:00 i dont know what to do with myself. i cant sleep and i want to. but i am still tripping. i sit with my hand in the air and soon i feel my body fall back into me. my trails are gone and patterns are harder to find.

6:00 i lay down and i force myself to dream. it works! i can create entire worlds with my mind. i can do anything i want. but it is hard to maintain a single thought. so each "dream" only lasts a few minutes if that.

7:00 from here on out things begin to get more and more normal. until finally i am back to normal at about 10 o'clock the next morning. almost exactly 12 hours.

afterwards: the next day i am depressed. i dont feel like i can talk to people. and i dont want to. i miss people and i want desperately to talk to them. i am still in this state. not so depressed but defiantly, different. i feel like i have been asked to do something, being given this amazing experience, i must repay these forces in some way. i think i will be able to do this by continuing my self-realization. continuing my quest for more unconventional knowledge and by finally understanding myself. i have some things i need to find out and some things i have to do.

dance_politics @ 2008-06-18T03:08:00

2008-06-18T07:12:27Z

Everything was so dead still. the air just froze and broke.
those few words that i said to you. they had no place to go.
but to our minds, to our hearts and the torture wasnt marked.
now Ive found that you hated our lives.

I just think it through sometimes and get nowhere but lost.
i cant help but miss those things that we found through our talks.
now we dont laugh and we dont sing and I cant understand a thing.
and the thirds and the fifths are all gone.

And its so hard to see you now
And its so wrong to hate you now
I can only scream half as loud

I dont want to chase the past. it feels like finding ghosts.
you seem to have your mind set up. its creeping from our home.
now we dont talk and we dont call, in this manufactured war,
where I cant even aim with my eyes.

now that weve closed that door.
hugged and stepped away.
thank you from my heart.
with one last thing to say.
I miss our life.

dance_politics @ 2008-05-18T23:42:00

2008-05-19T03:46:09Z

negative pressure. destroying/rebuilding.
positive pressure. destroying/rebuilding.
there is so much pressure inside this fucking machine.
devises devised to sustain my depressing life.
so much trouble just to keep the family pleased.
he's alive. he's okay. too much pressure.
unrelenting stresses constantly destroy me.
my body is crushed to death every time it breathes.
too much pressure. it's destorying me.

dance_politics @ 2008-03-31T13:44:00

2008-03-31T17:46:36Z

never does it leave my veins.
never does it end.
no peace. no rest.
never an aftermath to reflect.
the red eyes of the storms have converged,
their wings spread the plague.
i've crossed the face of death.

i have bad thoughts late at night.
but i need to talk to you.

a fucking lier.

2008-03-22T06:12:37Z

the nights spent drunk alone are the worst.
the physical pain i inflict upon myself is a distraction.
the music that changes my life an escape.
the smoking the drinking all a lie i tell myself night after night.
"things can only get better. tomorrow will be better."
the voices inside my head getting louder.
"kill yourself. kill yourself. kill yourself."
the nights spent alone are the worst.

goodbye again, until next time.

2008-02-27T19:49:44Z

I've given up to many nights, in hope to hide away with sleep.
i'm running from my enemy but still she drags me by the feet.
fuck days when i can't find the time.
or even care to open my eyes.
nail the clock into the wall,
pass hours until i'm wrinkled thin.
nightmares seem to follow me. it's getting harder to remember my dreams.
if i stay awake tonight, i'll gain much more than growing old.
now each eyelid shut. i'm giving in but never giving up.
WAKE UP.